thoughts, dreams, ideas 

scattered

in the expanse

the universe

inside my head

insignificant little particles

drifting 

helplessly

like clouds of dust

i desire to reach out

capture them, and be

enraptured

by raw beauty

the wonderment of thought

an embodiment of the soul

This is a very short holiday.

Assalamualaikum.

Well whaddya know, it's 2013!

*jaw drops*

Everything's been a tornado of

excitement?

confusion?

happiness?

perplexity?

rapture?

trepidation?

Wallahu'alam. Everything's mixed up together and I don't know what to feel, exactly.

But 2013 has opened up plenty and it's just so overwhelming for a sixteen-and-a-half-year-old-girl.

I rather like it, actually. Heh-heh. I feel like a blooming flower.

Aye, that's so random. Blooming flower? But it's true!

I haven't updated often, and I was going to update last night but I got distracted with texting, graphs and drawing

too lazy to do hair shading, hehe

OK forget it.

What happened in January 2013?

Arrived at school with water up to my ankles, drenched baju kurung, wet socks (oh how I despise wet socks -.-) and shivers due to the wet, cold weather.

I'm going to skip the part where I lugged all my stuff to the third floor, kissed my family goodbye and stuff and get straight to school sessions.

I've changed classes this year, so I'm having new classmates.

They elected me as assistant class monitor against my will but looking back, it doesn't give me much stress since I'm mostly running minor errands, sometimes filling in for the class monitor and writing down the lists of homework on the whiteboard during preparatory classes--in short, assisting the class monitor. Duh?--so I'm pretty much okay with it. FOR THE LOVE OF CO-CURRICULAR MERIT, I'LL ACT UPON MY DUTY.

My classmates are crazy. Yes. Crazy. Non compos mentis. Raving bonkers mad. It seems that they chose to assemble the noisiest, weirdest bunch of people from each Form 4 class from last year and toss them all together in the class of which its name is 5 Al-Radzi. In short, they're just friggin awesome, great fun (when they're not studying, that is. When they're studying, they're deeply solemn about it. Which puts me in a sense of trepidation). Due to our boisterous proclivities, our class gets plenty of complaints from teachers and students alike for being excessively uproarious. Heh-heh. But I like it. It makes classes more lively, gives us more verve, more wholeheartedness, more fervor, more zeal, more keenness to learn. Therefore it's a GOOD THING :D

What else?

Summarization:

- Ran the SHM (Sester Half-Marathon) aka Merentas Desa, got 17th place

- Emceed the Talent Night with classmate Musfirah, we were so sakai & left out a lot of stuff since we're not familiar with the flow of most events heh heh

- Homework loads have definitely quadrupled from last year. Yikes!!

- I keep misplacing my Maths & Addmaths homework -.-"

- Our class has a daily/weekly Disorganized Desk Award. I'm a perpetual name. Woohoo.

- MY HANDWRITING IS PLAGIARIZED T.T

Oh and did I mention I sat through the TOV exams?

No.

Okay then. I did. It was my first time taking it in the hall. I was confined to the utmost edge of the hall so it was really dim and sleep-inducing, especially during the History paper. Concerning the results, I'm pretty much satisfied and I hope I can keep maintenance, insha-Allah, since my classmates are closing in for the kill and they're total brainiacs. 

And yet, I still sleep during prep. Yaaagh I'll never understand myself.

Holidaying

I'm not sure whether the word "holidaying" exists or not.
Wait I'll check my trusty built-in-with-software-dictionary-cum-thesaurus-cum-mini-wikipedia.
OK it does exist. Yay!

Assalamualaikum my esteemed subjects. Meh I'm acting like I'm some queenie which, on the record, I'm not, well.. I meant dear readers. (which I think there might be close to nil)
Well it's nothing much of a holiday to me I guess, no special family vacations, it's mostly staycationing, homework and hefty tuition classes in the suburbs.

Still I think it's been an okay holiday so far. 
Maybe a little lonely without my big sister bossing me around. I miss her a lot cause we've been together for so long.
And maybe you'll be like, "duh, she's your sister?" but nooooo you might not be able to understand. You see we're almost inseparable. Almost. Out of my other siblings, she's the nearest by a two-year gap. When we were younger, it was just me and her, her and me, no one else. I played with her, bickered with her, faux-wrestled with her, play-acted with her, schemed embarrassingly senseless plans of the imaginations with her, did most of everything with her. She is one of my best friends, and I love her in my own irksome annoying way. She is equally obnoxious--no, probably more--so mind you, I'm not the only annoying sister here okay.

My older sister was a permanent inset in my life, so when she'd flown to Jordan, I......felt.........something missing. No more quarreling and squabbling for cucumber slices. No more talking about weird wanky stuff. No more... yeah if I'd write out all the stuff I did (or attempted to do) with my older sister I'll end up with an excruciatingly long post.

So now, I'm spending my hols with my little siblings, a little sister and a little brother. There's too much years between us so sometimes it can be a little awkward. And I couldn't believe that my little baby sister has grown into this piqued, sullen, long-limbed preteen. I can never take her seriously because it feels like it was only yesterday she was a baby with the puffiest, pudgiest cheeks I've ever set eyes on, with huge rounded eyes and teeny squashed lips, dripping milk all over her front. Now she's asking me advice about girl stuff.

Or rather, I'm the one offering her free girl-to-girl advice like I'm an old lady as she cantankerously rolls her eyes and taps one finger most irritatingly on whatever surface she can tap her finger on. I can just see the words "Oh no, here she goes again" forming in her mind, but whatever, I ramble on.. in hope she'll get some sense. I mean I'm hardly qualified to give teenager advice but well.... whatever. Hehehehe :p

But there were good times. Like the time I baked strawberry cheesecake with her recently! Haha she's great fun when she's in her good moods. We turned up the music and danced in the kitchen as soon Mom's back was turned and yeaaaah it was awesome, no kidding.

Helloooo Mr. Delicious :D

And that was a satisfactory result, even though the base is crumbly. Oh come on it was our first and foremost attempt. Nice strawberry tanginess melded with the cream cheese. Blissss ~ of course, I do like strawberries :)

Anyhow that's it. Other stuff, I'll update when I'm able to interpret my swirly thoughts in words.

eh-eh

Assalamualaikum & good evening to everyone.

Today is the 1st of December. Which means that I'll have exactly 30 days to reach the 31st of December. And by the tomorrow of 31st December, technically I'll be seventeen. And when I'll be seventeen, there lies one of the Malaysian teenager's greatest academic battles:

SPM.

Seeeeeee I've put that word finely uppercased, extra-large and bolded just to be precise.
Haih, I can't believe I'm getting older. No one gets younger by the day. People may look younger as time passes, nowadays, but that's because of the miraculous but haraam use of Botox, Restylane, collagen injects, hair dyes, hair extensions, blahblahblah to superficially maintain the beauty of the physiognomy. But despite that, time's winged chariot will always stride ahead and their superficial notions of so-called beauty shall plummet into a great rubble. Such is the foolishness of the human race. All that blooms shall wither. Even the most exquisite, velvety petals of the beautiful Rosa centifolia would fall to the ground and finally be decomposed by saprophytic bacteria with their vesicles of lysosomal enzymes.

Right. I'm getting a little carried away.
As I am saying, I am getting older and I'm going to sit for my SPM exams next year.
A notion that is quite frightening for me. And the other 96's, for the matter.

So yeah I should cut down on my looooong onlining habits and back up on Form Four Chemistry, which I suck at, big-time. And the other subjects too because no subject is ever less of importance. But because I'm not so partial to Chemistry, I have to put a little more emphasis on that subject until I nail it.  Along with the other subjects. I'll do my best, insha-Allah.

I couldn't say "There's nothing to it", because there's a lot to it, it's not a simple feat to accomplish. And with that, I'll effectuate the damnedest.

waking up from the hiatus.

Assalamualaikum.
You might have noticed that there's always a long gap between two posts.
And this time, I want to say..
this is definitely the longest gap, because it's been a little past two months since I've last been home.
I feel like a student from outside Terengganu, coz it's usually them who skip the mandatory balik-rumah  practice. *shakes head*

p.s. this post was written before the 'ponders' post.

I don't know how to express what I've been through, not that there'd been a lot.
But then.. there's been so much.
Finals? Hmmmmm. Felt better than the past exams I've done. *smile*
Hope things will be better.

ponders

It despairs me that there are prejudiced people out there.

People shouldn't set negative, unjust prejudices, especially in terms of class, social status, whatever. No one's better than anyone, that's for sure. It's just unfair that the ones who aren't academically or socially superior are deemed inferior by certain people who think so. They think the so-called inferior ones don't have dreams to better themselves, don't have a specific goal to achieve, will become mindless evils who would ruin the world. In reality, they could be better than the ones who think themselves superior. They have their own talents. They have their own way to contribute to the betterment of the world. I'm sure of that. It's not that they are stupid. No.

Maybe Allah has a better plan lined up for them, who knows? Just because someone isn't able to become a doctor, or an engineer, or a pilot, or live up any professional career, doesn't mean that they haven't succeeded in the course of life. Someone could be a town cleaner, and still be the happiest person in the world without us knowing. Someone could be a garbage collector, and be more blessed than any of us could ever be. It's not impossible, and it's always possible.

And there's the power of Allah accompanied with the blessings of good ol' work. If we really want what we want and we give in our damnedest to obtain it, then we deserve it, InshaAllah. If we happen to not attain what we strove to obtain, then it's probably not the right time yet, or Allah has something better to give. That's life. If the worse happens, something better is yet to come. You might have heard of this for the umpteenth time, over and over again, but

In my opinion we could be anything that we ever want to be and we could succeed in anything as long we make the best of what we do. No matter whatever we want to do (well as long it is halaal in terms of syariat, of course. Don't you go selling crack because you want to be the best crack-seller that the world has ever seen, now that's wrong.)

So guys, be grateful of what you have and make the best of it. Ignore prejudice and avoid yourselves from prejudice. This is a reminder to everyone and to myself as well...

Thanks :)

burbling babbling blathering blarney

It happens that today I was exploring the stupefaction of fantasies and wonderment, which happens to be a thesaurus, which happens to enrich today's vocab level, which happens to explain the title of my blog post today.

I LOVE NEW VOCABULARY, WAHAHAHAHAA
(this sounds strangely diabolical. Never mind)

It isn't every day that something that you've fantasized something to happen, actually happened. And believe me, I'm still in a daze. How did everything happen?
The innermost core of my desires somehow illustrated in reality, etched as something tangible. I never expected it to happen. I wanted it to happen, I hoped that it would happen, but I didn't hope as much as it seemed too ludicrous.

I didn't believe that it would happen. It was only something that I allowed to materialize in my mind's eye, something that I wouldn't allow anyone else to see. Something that I'd better keep to myself. Something that would let a smile creep on the corners of my lips. And I would shake my head, tell myself, "wake up!"

valiance took the helm of my heart
and the unforeseen befell