burbling babbling blathering blarney

It happens that today I was exploring the stupefaction of fantasies and wonderment, which happens to be a thesaurus, which happens to enrich today's vocab level, which happens to explain the title of my blog post today.

I LOVE NEW VOCABULARY, WAHAHAHAHAA
(this sounds strangely diabolical. Never mind)

It isn't every day that something that you've fantasized something to happen, actually happened. And believe me, I'm still in a daze. How did everything happen?
The innermost core of my desires somehow illustrated in reality, etched as something tangible. I never expected it to happen. I wanted it to happen, I hoped that it would happen, but I didn't hope as much as it seemed too ludicrous.

I didn't believe that it would happen. It was only something that I allowed to materialize in my mind's eye, something that I wouldn't allow anyone else to see. Something that I'd better keep to myself. Something that would let a smile creep on the corners of my lips. And I would shake my head, tell myself, "wake up!"

valiance took the helm of my heart
and the unforeseen befell

Aaahh.

Assalamualaikum & good morning to anyone who happens to pass by on this beautiful Saturday afternoon :)
It's the eighth day of Ramadan already. Time is sprinting, sprinting, and this evening I'm going back to kaytee, which is going to make me a weensy bit upset. I mean, it's not that I'm not used to fasting far away from home--I had three years' worth of that already so I'm prepared. But it's the fact that I won't be fasting at Kemaman. Yup, I guess there's still traces of Tesmal-sickness left inside me.

Despite that, I think that I've left for the best. But then, what is destined for us is always the best for us, don't you think? At first, hmmm yeah I felt down-hearted, disconsolate. I cried most of the time, but well, once you let the tears awash.. everything takes on a crystalline view. Lovely. I love the change, and what it had brought to me.

There's been so much new memories with new friends that I've never imagined meeting before. I've done things that I've never imagined doing in my entire life, honestly. I guess my horizons have widened a bit since I left my old school, and that's something. However, no one can ever replace the old faces, and hopefully they'll remain embedded in the deepest coves of my heart. All my friends, old and new, are my heart and soul.

It is difficult to accept change, I'll admit that. But somehow you'll just adapt to it. Reform. Metamorphose. But the essence of you, will remain intact. However much you've changed, there's still that piece of uniqueness that makes you you. Don't be afraid of change. Because no matter bad it seems at first, it'll lead you to the best that will ever happen, as long you have faith in Allah, that He will make the best happen. Don't we always pass through trivialities to attain the bliss? :)

Peace out. Once my ramble mode's activated, I could type a thesis.

life, how it is

Hello again, everyone if there's anyone. I doubt your presence here, though, so okay, I guess it's okay for me to ramble on aimlessly hehee :P

If there's one fault that I've got to admit, it's a difficulty to be grateful with what I have. Especially when it comes to my examination results. People keep telling me that. And I guess it's true, what they say. We might think the people around us are judgmental if they tend to criticize us, but then, it's okay to lend your ears to them and listen to them once in a while. Especially if they are the ones who are always ready to speak their mind, openly and honestly. We should always be ourselves. But that doesn't mean we cannot improve the persona that we choose to convey ourselves through, does it?

I don't know why it's so difficult for me to actually appreciate what I've done.
There's always this dreaded feeling nestled up inside of me, saying
you're not good enough.
incompetent against the world.
I don't like it. I want to be more confident, but not overconfident. 
Overdoing anything is bad, and doing nothing is just as wrong.
Being overconfident worsens the situation, being unconfident brings you nowhere.

Oh, right now obviously I'm talking about my midterms results. Can't you tell? Right, this sounds suspiciously conceited, so I presume that I've wrongly questioned you guys when you've already known.
I mean, the sentence 'especially when it comes to my examination results' on paragraph two, line one, clearly is a dead giveaway, a statement concerning the obvious, ain't it?

Hmm well regarding my midterms. I think they're just plain blah (oooh! I like the word blah). Most of the okay-ish grades I've got are of the 'terkangkang-atas-tong' variety. Honest. And when I stalk people's grades through e-pantau (oh kantoii!), I get real envious, of my friends at my old school because they're so good. I feel like a total drip. A slack-off like none other :(
(Either that, or my teachers are horrendously strict in marking papers, lol)

But then, whatever to terkangkang-atas-tong grades.
I should be grateful for what I've got, despite that it's not what I've expected, not what I've strove for.
Allah knows what's best for me, and that's what matters :)

p.s. AND I MUST GET MY EFFORT GEARS RUNNING! :B
p.p.s. Pray for me.

i have nothing else to say

lencana baru

spiraling madness

THIS IS SO AWKWARD 
BUT I'VE GOTTA LET THIS OFF MY CHEST
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO FEEL 
IT'S SO CONFUSING
I THINK I'M FALLING INTO AN ABYSS 
I HATE THIS FEELING
BUT I ENJOY IT SOMEHOW
WHY NOW? WHY NOW? WHY NOW?
WHY REMINISCE? WHY? WHY? WHYYYYYYYYYYYY
IT'S GOING TO BE AN EXCRUCIATING TWO WEEKS
WITHOUT
(OK FORGET IT.)

but then. 
You're a normal human being with feelings.
So it's plain normal to feel like this, right? 
I know it'll go away someday,
but somehow I don't want it to.

semester holidays, commence!

Say heeeeeeeeey hoooooo.
Finally! Finally! The semester break has finally responded to the summons of many many students from all over Malaysia, all huffing & puffing exhaustedly after weeks of the suck-ish midterm exams, desperately dying for a rest from the whirlwind of pandemonium, complication, confusion and turmoil of which we sum up in one single word: SCHOOL.

my schoolmates & teachers on Teacher's Day. Notice that girl in white tudung, her head bowed down (in sleep, fourth row from the back)

Haha, random photo.

And I'm so glad that the midterms are O-O-O-O-OVER. Yes people, no more exams! In the meantime, that is. There's still the Diagnostics Test in August and the end-of-year exams to endure though, so how unfortunate you are. Sigh.

The weeks of last-minute studying were painstaking. Midterms came to me somewhat of a surprise, though, everything was astoundingly DIFFERENT than what I've experienced with. The multitude of essays and whatnot.. yeah, it's hard getting used to. And well, I'm not granted with that extraordinary ability to memorize stuff easily and precisely so it's pretty difficult to do essay questions.
And Addmaths was a horror story, do mind! OK not Addmaths in general. Addmaths is quite engaging, actually, it's logarithms that addle my brain into a mishmash.

Results? iz a so-far-so-good kinda thing but well perhaps for you brilliant-thinkers and all-round-flying-colours-students it might not be so good after all. *ashamed* Anyhow, alhamdulillah :)

blush.