Long time no see.

hoi hoi ya hoi

kita semua gembira

(line from Ali Baba Bujang Lapok)
Of course we're all glad, it's a holiday. Remember?

Um... Assalamualaikum. Welcome back to my wasteland, I guess, the territory where I speak none but the incarnation, the figments of my thoughts. It has been a long time since I've written--typed--so I guess here's a little something that I'm inclined to talk about.
It's not that I don't have ideas on what to write about. In fact, I've got a pretty lot of suggestions meself running through the head of mine but I just don't know how to properly integrate it in words. Our thoughts are a complexity, I must agree. How do we think, actually? How do we visualize things inside our head, what do we see them with?
You must think I'm talking nonsense, and yes I am talking nonsense. Sigh. I should snap out of it, that's for sure, I'm starting to lose track of what I'm really trying to say.

School. Six letters.
Derived from a Greek word, σχολή (pronounced scholē).. originally meant as 'leisure'. Or 'that in which leisure is employed'. Source: Wikipedia
Reality check: School isn't much of that, that's for sure. Such irony implemented in the old definition.
Irony!!!!

School is definitely not leisure, relax and recreation, nuh-uh-uh! Very far away from that.
Well, except during the few rare times on the weekends, but we'll just skip that cause well, homework becomes even more abundant during the precious two days.

What's it like being a Form Four student? Many had asked me that. You haven't asked, and wouldn't even wanna ask. Nevertheless, I've decided to relate the monotonously mind-bending tale.
The usual morning line-up would start with the tedious routine:

Rub my eyes. Sit on the bed for a while, trying to register the whole thing in....right, school. Swing my legs out of bed, find a rubber band to secure my straggly hair flying all over the place, brush my teeth, take my humongous towel, enter the showers and let the cold water awaken my drowsy eyelids....

Okay, I guess you'd be familiar with all of that. I shouldn't even have told you that, anyway.
So what else should I talk about?
There's been some enforcement on the school rules, but it works for me, though. I'm not complaining, cause I guess...well to be frank, I'm okay with it anyway.

BUT don't get me started on the piles of homework I get every day.
Oh homework. You've caused me sleep an hour later than what I've usually succumbed myself to, but what could I say? New subjects to learn, more homework to finish. And so, I've ended up going to bed at 12 midnight and above--gasp!--when usually during the yesteryears I'd get myself snuggled sound around 10.45-11.30 pm. But I guess I'll just have to get used to it.

Like the fact I have to learn all the Science subjects and Mathematical subjects in Bahasa Melayu. You see, there's only one subject stream in my school and that's Pure Science. Engineering Drawing, Accounting and Art could be taken as an optional addition, but well...
1) I'm already tired of wrestling with accounts in PD last year. I like Maths, but if there's too much I get easily muddled.
2) I get impatient easily, and Engineering Drawing takes a loooooot of patience and meticulousness. Therefore, that subject is definitely ruled out from my list.
3) Art? Uummhh... despite my liking to drawing, I'm not interested in it as a subject. How formal.

It's not the subject's fault that I'm not taking it, so blame me for being so picky.
And so, I'm a 9-subject student.... no more, no less.
(But actually I'm really interested in taking Tasawwur Islam. But too bad they don't have that optional subject at school anymore T.T)

Enough about that! I was talking about getting used to Science subjects and Math subjects in Bahasa Melayu. Regarding that...I'd say it's a hustle to get adapted. Thank goodness the teacher teachs Physics in English. Because well it's pretty complicated in Malay, and as you see, I do have a little problem in mastering my mother language so...
OH WOE IS ME!
I can speak my mother language. But I'm not particularly good at it. I couldn't decipher the scientific Malay terms, and I have a problem in spotting mistakes in Malay grammar because of my weak ability to do so.
And urgh, the ultimate proof...?

You're reading it.
I even blog in English, for goodness sake! Disgraceful! But I like blogging in English. *sheepish smile*
If I blog in Bahasa Melayu, I'd probably end up as a typical teenage blogger. You find a lot of them around the Internet. And I don't like to be described as typical, thank you very much :)

What else? What else?
Guess there's nothing more since it's a little too early to get an overall viewpoint of things.

PS. most of my friends got SBP (er, not my schoolmates. I meant my old friends during primary school :D) and MRSM. And ..... I'm sorta sad cause my beloved dorm-mate is leaving to MRSM Pengkalan Chepa. Tonah, do your best there, take care and don't forget me :(
I should try myself a second chance at SBP. This time I'll do it right, insha-Allah! Please pray for my success in getting myself a place there, ne?

PPS. I have a lot of homework, but it has only been a 40% progress. Procrastination, procrastination, tsk tsk tsk ~

tears falling down my cheeks

La tahzan, inallaha ma'ana. (Quran, 9:40)
Translated: Grieve not; surely Allah is with us.
This is quite a popular verse, even made as a book title in fact. And the meaning is enough to make us smile, to forget our sadness for a while.
We are never alone in our grief. Yes, besides the fact that we are surrounded by our loved ones; friends, family, relatives and so on, Allah is always with us, still with us and will never leave us.

And to be honest, I'm a little sad about matters which I couldn't discuss here...Internet is quite a public place, and I intend to keep my personal predicaments private. I'm brave enough to express what I'm feeling, but the reasons of it? I don't think it's necessary, because you may have differed opinions and I don't intend to offend anyone here. So I guess this post is mostly to cure my despair.
There's one thing though.. I'm not really psyched up in the back-to-school mood.

Oh, the malady of sadness and despair.
I will not rage against what has been set for me, indeed we must believe and accept the Qada' and Qadar.
Difficulties, trivialities, are tests. To determine our patience. To determine our emotional, spiritual strength to get up and overcome the great quandary that has befallen us.
... And so, how do we actually summon that patience and strength?

First of all, we shouldn't blame fate. Because that will mean that we put the blame fully on our Creator, whereas He has something better in store for you. After all, He is the All-Knowing. And He definitely knows what He's doing, no question. If we accept life howsoever it happens, then surely we are able to start our first step in erasing our grief.

What else? Oh yeah, please refer back to the verse above. Allah is always with us, so let's get in touch with Him. How else are we going to know that He is always with us if we don't bring ourselves to Him?
Whenever we call upon him, He will respond. Of course we can always express our sadness to others, but 'tis better to find refuge with our Lord. It is exceptionally calming. Make a du'a, and spill out your secrets, your insecurities. Ask for His help, and ask for His forgiveness. Read the Quran, or listen to it. Delve yourselves in the Kalamullah, and you'll find divine peace within yourselves. Honest. Someone who puts all his/her entire faith and trust in Allah will never feel solitary.
"Those who believe, and whose hearts find satisfaction in the remembrance of Allah: for without doubt in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction." Quran, 13:28

He has opened for you the door of repentance. Therefore whenever you call Him, He hears your call, and whenever you whisper to Him, He knows the whisper. You place before him your needs, unveil before Him yourself, complain to Him for your worries, beseech Him to remove your troubles, seek His help in your affairs, and ask from the treasures of His mercy what no-one else has the power to give, namely long life, health of body, and increase of livelihood. Imam Ali (a) Letter 31, Nahjul Balagha

Think positively. Happiness isn't found without some sadness along the way. If we only know happiness, we'll never know how to truly appreciate life, right?

school holidays are silently saying farewell.

Since I was young, I've always harbored plenty of desires. A lot of them, actually. You know how ambitious kids are. Heheh. Most of them I've forgotten, though.

I don't plan to travel the world. But there is one place that I do want to go in this wide world map, if I've got the chance, which is.....

Ta-dahh! The Middle East!

Considering the current situations, well it's quite dangerous. =_="

Blazing weather, vast deserts, sandstorms, riots and all that. Sigh. 

But still!

I like learning about culture and history, besides my liking to Science.

And I've read a few stuff on the Middle East, plus some of the form 4 history syllabus are kinda associated with it, as you know, the religion of Islam originated there, not to mention the Kaabah (um, perform Hajj? It is the fifth pillar of Islam :">) and well....it's just too complicated  to piece it all together. Let's just say it's a definite wow-inducer. *eyes sparkling*

Okay, actually that's just a tidbit for you to munch on. Today is January the 1st, 2012. Wah, I'm technically sixteen. What did I accomplish in the last year, which was actually just yesterday? Umm. Let's see, I've gained weight (oh man), added more to the Pimple Scar Collection, read a hefty lot of books...yeah, I guess last year wasn't the best year ever. But then, I've learned lessons and there are plenty of sweet, sweet memories...2011 wasn't so bad :)

I'm not that psyched about it being 2012 and stuff. You could judge that from the progress of my packing. It's reasonably comparable to a speed of a crawling snail. Even though I'm returning to school tomorrow, there's still a lot of stuff unpacked. My room's practically catastrophic, tsk tsk tsk. I can't seem to find my things anywhere, which is really bad. Really bad. Anyhow, hope I could finish up by tomorrow.

Okay, here comes the dreaded question: What comes after the holidays?

Answer: School.

It's not that I hate it. In fact, I think it's kinda fun...in its own way. Boarding school is a memorable experience, I have to agree with that. And it has its own dose of drama and complication...mm-hmm.

But I dread my first year as an Upper Form student. I wonder why?

1) An obviously elongated, much more complicated syllabus. Yeah, don't like that. It clearly speaks "MORE HOMEWORK FOR YOU, MISSY." And I'm not the biggest fan of homework. Nor do I despise it though. It's kinda like a love-hate relationship.

2) More responsibility. The older you get, the more responsibility you have to hold. That's my hypothesis. And I'm sure that there are millions of people around this big big world that have proved it correctly. Problem is, am I ready to face that? I still feel like a little kid. And apparently, I am little. I stayed the same height since 2010. *gulp*

3) WHAT WILL HAPPEN? Life is very unexpected, is it not?

Hmm yeah I guess that's it. My first post for 2012. Hopefully this year will be better than the last, insha-Allah. (I think I've said this already during Maal Hijrah? Oh well.)

this is not tumblr, but haha. i can't help but put this on, i've always ended it single.