i have nothing else to say

lencana baru

spiraling madness

THIS IS SO AWKWARD 
BUT I'VE GOTTA LET THIS OFF MY CHEST
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO FEEL 
IT'S SO CONFUSING
I THINK I'M FALLING INTO AN ABYSS 
I HATE THIS FEELING
BUT I ENJOY IT SOMEHOW
WHY NOW? WHY NOW? WHY NOW?
WHY REMINISCE? WHY? WHY? WHYYYYYYYYYYYY
IT'S GOING TO BE AN EXCRUCIATING TWO WEEKS
WITHOUT
(OK FORGET IT.)

but then. 
You're a normal human being with feelings.
So it's plain normal to feel like this, right? 
I know it'll go away someday,
but somehow I don't want it to.

semester holidays, commence!

Say heeeeeeeeey hoooooo.
Finally! Finally! The semester break has finally responded to the summons of many many students from all over Malaysia, all huffing & puffing exhaustedly after weeks of the suck-ish midterm exams, desperately dying for a rest from the whirlwind of pandemonium, complication, confusion and turmoil of which we sum up in one single word: SCHOOL.

my schoolmates & teachers on Teacher's Day. Notice that girl in white tudung, her head bowed down (in sleep, fourth row from the back)

Haha, random photo.

And I'm so glad that the midterms are O-O-O-O-OVER. Yes people, no more exams! In the meantime, that is. There's still the Diagnostics Test in August and the end-of-year exams to endure though, so how unfortunate you are. Sigh.

The weeks of last-minute studying were painstaking. Midterms came to me somewhat of a surprise, though, everything was astoundingly DIFFERENT than what I've experienced with. The multitude of essays and whatnot.. yeah, it's hard getting used to. And well, I'm not granted with that extraordinary ability to memorize stuff easily and precisely so it's pretty difficult to do essay questions.
And Addmaths was a horror story, do mind! OK not Addmaths in general. Addmaths is quite engaging, actually, it's logarithms that addle my brain into a mishmash.

Results? iz a so-far-so-good kinda thing but well perhaps for you brilliant-thinkers and all-round-flying-colours-students it might not be so good after all. *ashamed* Anyhow, alhamdulillah :)

blush.

living a life, a very different life.

Salutations & greetings, dear individual who happened to click on the link and read this blog.
Ahh I've been very vague about the happenings in my life, time is scarce ain't it?
Actually at first I was very enthused to write, but apparently I always forget what I was going to write, the second I placed my fingers on the keyboard. Sigh.

Life at Sester is different than it was at my beloved SMK Mak Lagam (and I still have some stuff left there. I'd better drop by and take 'em before they become historical artifacts), but somehow it still has its similarities. But the differences are more dominant.
I mean, even the people there call me by different names. My name was abbreviated to KB (can you imagine? Only two letters of the alphabet!) and some people have even took to calling me Bahirah, which is a name I rarely ever use to refer to myself. Still I don't mind. Change could be something quite refreshing.
(tapi rasa cam lawak ah orang panggil KB. lol)

Life, is less leisurely. Take my word for that. At my old school, I'd walk at a snail's pace. Uhhh, okay, not exactly. But time seemed to move so sloooooow there, plenty of time to gossip with the dorm-mates (while doing our homework of course! ;D), plenty of time to do some extra addmaths questions, plenty of time to doze under the bright pink blanket in the evenings. But when I got to kaytee, there's just no time to do all of that. Except for the occasional relaxed Friday evenings where I'd sit at the patio, eye to eye with an Addmaths workbook, haughtily ignoring the scores of girls and guys busy Facebooking and DotA-ing respectively. Sejarah, no chance of me being caught with that, with my eyes open. Coz usually I'd be snoring next to it =="

Clothes, are less strict. Wah! OK this is probably the second-best thing I could think of Sester, hahaha :D The dress code is relatively more independent, and I loooove the fact that we could wear t-shirts during evening prep (extra classes included unless said otherwise) and 'abaya for night prep. The 'abaya is definitely DA BOMB since it's so easy, quick, convenient, no need to iron. A short-sleeved tee, comfy pants, slip on the abaya and tudung and you're ready to go! Cool right? OK this is definitely on the days when you have the scarcest of times to fuss about ironing your baju kurung and stuff :P
And the fact that students could wear brooches to school (macam nak secure tudung kat bawah dagu) is quite shocking, since I, being an ex-prefect at my old school, used to write out the names of the misdeed-doers and give 'em to the PKP, and had confiscated them on occasion, handing them over to the teacher on duty, on their orders. No offense, but it's quite a lot to get used to, seeing all those senior prefects wearing brooches under their chins :">

The students, are so open-minded. Nice breath of fresh air that is. They've got this sort of.....what do you call it? Perspective, yeah, perspective. A whole new viewpoint on the world. Meeting new people, is quite engaging. I could talk to them about all sorts of things which I've never talked about to others. Sometimes I feel so intimidated, so immature with their charisma (most of them have that certain quality). Maybe that's the bug you catch when you get to SBP. Hopefully I'd get to catch that charisma bug too, and stand level to level with them, inshaAllah :D

Haha that's it I guess.
Oh and btw,
Pray for me. The midterms are looming and I still end up sleeping while reading Sejarah :O

please note the Elit Terengganu tshirt!! terharu tak. xP

my new family, at the night of KIS (Karnival Islam Sester). I entered nasheed =="

prancing through a lane of sentimental nostalgia

on the way back home yesterday,

the palm fronds dancing to the rhythmic lilt of the wind

the enamel blue carpeting the wide skies

the wisps of white clouds floating

the vast sea, the Scandinavian blue waves lashing gently on the shores

shores of light golden, with fishermen houses lining up close

ignited nostalgia

in the deepest trenches of my heart

a fire of memories brought me into a trance

as i stared out the clear glass

the scenery faded.

faces that i have long known

laughing, smiling, crying,

illuminated the looking-glasses of the soul

memories that I have once

seen,

touched,

tasted,

heard,

felt,

they were there, fleeting and momentary

oh,

i missed them.

feels like it was only yesterday

in reality it was ages

and the faces that appeared in the eyes of nostalgia

aren't there,

i am faraway, a distant person,

will i ever meet them again?

the lingering question awaits the reply.

a desolate sigh,

and my head in the skies,

drifted below

to the reality that i must live.

the bus continued its journey, didn't it always?

and i resumed my gaze

watching the scenery change

wondering when will i arrive home.

©thevelvetdawn