prancing through a lane of sentimental nostalgia

on the way back home yesterday,

the palm fronds dancing to the rhythmic lilt of the wind

the enamel blue carpeting the wide skies

the wisps of white clouds floating

the vast sea, the Scandinavian blue waves lashing gently on the shores

shores of light golden, with fishermen houses lining up close

ignited nostalgia

in the deepest trenches of my heart

a fire of memories brought me into a trance

as i stared out the clear glass

the scenery faded.

faces that i have long known

laughing, smiling, crying,

illuminated the looking-glasses of the soul

memories that I have once

seen,

touched,

tasted,

heard,

felt,

they were there, fleeting and momentary

oh,

i missed them.

feels like it was only yesterday

in reality it was ages

and the faces that appeared in the eyes of nostalgia

aren't there,

i am faraway, a distant person,

will i ever meet them again?

the lingering question awaits the reply.

a desolate sigh,

and my head in the skies,

drifted below

to the reality that i must live.

the bus continued its journey, didn't it always?

and i resumed my gaze

watching the scenery change

wondering when will i arrive home.

©thevelvetdawn

just sharing this quote, since I'm currently out of stories to tell.

رجل بلا حيلة كما تفق بلا فتيلة
"A man without a plan, is like a gun without a bullet."

speechless morning.

Duhai hati, tolonglah berhenti bermuram durja. Homesick.

Hello & Assalamualaikum.
This is a really personal post, and if you're uncomfortable at the prospect of reading depressing, saddening thoughts that will drown you to the depths of boredom and annoyance, I suggest you Ctrl-W right now when you have the chance. I've lost mine.

My first week--well, almost?--at a new school was full of emotional instability, still continuing...with no intention of stopping so far. I wish it would. Nostalgia can inflict a lot of emotional pain, and it hurts me badly. Real badly.
There had been such a lot of new experiences of which I haven't thought about. I've climbed Bukit Besar in KT twice in a day during the orientation, and that was so so exhilarating! I've acted as a bad-tempered first wife and gained applause (Hahah. You can't believe how embarrassing that was, though). I've learned a lot of cool sports-house war-cries which sounded pretty neat. I like the one based on the Mr.Saxobeat rhythm. Heheee~

Still, sadness still overwhelms me terribly, and affects me a lot. Worse than the other second-intakes, from my observation. They cry on the first day, and it ends there. And they go on with their lives. Me? I didn't cry on the first day. But it went on and on during the second day until the fourth, and I'm trying to keep my emotions in balance. Maybe I'll try for another few weeks. If it doesn't subside.....

I missed SMK Mak Lagam terribly.
To the smallest details, for goodness sake! My bouts of homesickness (yes, I call my longing for my old school homesickness because...I consider Tesmal my second home where I have stayed happily..shared hopes and dreams...you know, all the mushy-mushy stuff) hit me straight through the deepest pit of my heart. Even during classes. Well I do try to distract myself. But somehow, there must be something that reminds me of my old school and then I feel my eyes prick with tears. . . and   k a b o o o o s h !

thank you Photobooth & Picnik. </3

Still, I've only been there for 4 days, and it's all probably normal to get all weepy and teary-eyed like this. Maybe something good will come out of it, InshaAllah. Dear heart, have faith and strength.
La tahzan, inallaha ma'ana.

Guys, don't forget me. Life hasn't been the same without you.
PS. Will sit through exams after the hols. 
OH COME ON, DO I HAVE TO SIT THROUGH THEM TWICE?! This. Is. So. Not. Awesome. At all! ><"

deep inside, my heart will never say farewell.

aku akan rindu

4 Ikram, kelas sains tulen yang amatlah bisiiiiing

ketawa terbahak-bahak dengan lawak cikgu Zaidi masa BM :D
melelapkan mata masa masuk makmal Kimia
update kerja-kerja rumah kat papan hitam
bergosip dengan Izzatul mengenai .................... AHAHAHA mana boleh cakap kat sini.

the obviously fairer one is Izzatul. compared to her, my complexion is so dark.

mendengar bebelan Ema pasal meja terlalu bersepah (n___n)V (tapi takleh lawan meja Anis ahh)

ema, deskmate tersayang </3

Ema, saya akan rinduuuuuuuu awak sangat-sangat. Ingatlah sokmo celoteh saya yang mengarut macam apa entah, ingatlah saat-saat saya mengeluarkan perkataan jiwang kepada buku addmath sambil menyelesaikan soalannya, dan saya memang akan ingat first time saya ponteng prep petang bersama awak masa form two, hahahahahahaa. (Jahat gila.)

Look! It's Menara KL! :D

menjadi tenaga pengajar matematik tambahan pada waktu prep (.___.)"
pergi toilet paling jauh dari kelas semata-mata nak ambik udara luar (perkara biasa k.)
mendengar pelajar perempuan bergosip di port mereka yang tersendiri (yg sering bertukar-tukar ^^)

geng2 gossip. yiha.

merungut sambil menyiapkan kerja rumah yang berlambak-lambak masa prep
kene bahang mampus dengan geng-geng kelas Irsyad 2009-2011

you guys have tormented me for so long with countless names, caused me a lot of misery, but yeah, I guess that's something that'll make me remember SMK Mak Lagam more :) p.s. thanks for the letter you guys gave me. it made me smile reading it :P


makan karipap DeMa setiap isnin minggu kedua (takleh miss ni!!!)
landing atas katil & tak buat apa-apa yang bermanfaat apabila pulang daripada prep
memapuhkan Haiza, si form one baru dalam dorm kami (yang ni yang best sekali :P. Yelah kan, bila ada 7 SENIOR vs. 1 junior...tau-tau je la. Hihii, maafkan ketua dorm yang tak bertauliah ni ye.)
menghiburkan diri dengan cerita-cerita sang penglipur lara cik Siti Aishah

yang pakai spek itu ialah AISHAH :)

POST INTERRUPTION!

Aishah. We've been classmates since we were eight, for goodness sake, and that ended this year (I was sorta hoping we'd be classmates again this year, but what could I say?). I was still your dorm-mate for the third year in running, until .... hm yeah. You probably get the point. Life's gonna be really really really weird without you Aishah, honestly. It's almost unbelievable, not being your schoolmate :(

So ... you should come to my house and lepak-lepak, tell me good stories and stuff. I liiiike listening to stuff that you tell :D

OK back to the post.

aku juga akan rindu

PuNat bermain tenis dengan dinding dalam dorm (bising ehhh :P)

mendengar Ika-ku berjiwang sensorang atas katil dengan henset PuNat

tidur tepi Yana malam-malam sambil dengar cerita2 dia ahahaha

bergalok, bergedik & bergelak ketawa bersama Ned & Anis

mendengar alunan muzik One Direction-What Makes You Beautiful daripada henset Anis yang seringkali berkumandang petang & malam

pergi prep lambat bersama Ned, ahahahaa

membebel-bebel & memecok-mecok bila ketua rumah panggil ketua dorm suruh berkumpul kat paras bawah

mengejutkan budak-budak dorm supaya pergi solat subuh masa hari Jumaat

menjerit "Lepas awak, saya gosok!" atau "Saya cop gosok pas awak ehhh?" atau ayat yang lebih kurang sama dengan nada yang sengaja dilembutkan kepada orang yang tengah gosok kat bilik gosok ataupun sesudah mendengar budak dorm bertanya soalan sebegitu kepada orang yang sedang menggosok

berbluetooth lagu dengan Anis dalam dorm

pergi DeMa pastu selalu ambik buah lebih daripada orang (terutamanya buah limau cina, pisang & tembikai). kebiasaannya merupakan hasil komplot bersama Anis

Ned, Anis, Aishah ^^

apa lagi? apa lagi?

oh ye, sudah tentu aku akan mendambakan saat-saat apabila

kami menahan bahang matahari masa sukantara dan pulang dengan muka BURNED

penat lelah & kaki-kaki yang cram apabila habisnya Elite Challenge

muka-muka mengantuk / tidur masa cikgu bagi ucapan pada hari Ahad

ponteng prep pagi (kita lagi suka tidur) --setiap tahun mesti ada. tapi tahun ni aku tak sempat nak ponteng sama-sama budak dorm aku :(
kene soal siasat dengan ustazah pasal solat subuh berjemaah setiap kali kelas PI :")
terlewat nak pergi perjumpaan pengawas pagi-pagi pastu kena denda ketuk ketampi
pergi lepak sama-sama satu batch kat Teluk Monica (errrrrrrrr. nama lagi glamor: TELUK MOKNIK) & Gambang Waterpark bila dah abis PMR

duduk macam orang takdok keje kat pondok pengawal pasal jaga pagar pagi-pagi

tidur dalam kelas yang ditugaskan untuk dijaga (tahun ni aku kena kantoi dengan cikgu, malu malu)

membasuh baju sambil berangan-angan/menyanyi dengan suara sumbang/bersembang dengan orang dorm sebelah yang juga membasuh baju

pergi berjalan ke kelas 4 Ikhlas masa prep pasal kadang-kadang malas nak duduk dalam kelas sendiri lalalalaa ~~

tersengih macam kerang busuk apabila berhadapan dengan Nazifa kerana ingin meminjam buku teks Sejarahnya untuk membuat nota (padahal dia tahu dah sebabnya pasal aku selalu sangat pinjam, aku je buat-buat macam dia tak tahu, hik3)

kan Nazifa kan? yang dok depan sekali bhg tgh tu Nazifa :)

tersalah tidur dengan sebegitu lenaaaaa dalam kelas 4 Ikhlas gara-gara tidur pukul 2 pada malam semalamnya :P

memanggil Alissa Suraya dengan suara ala-ala manja disertai dengan panggilan manja speselnya iaitu 'Hiroshima' pasal dia lahir pada 6 Ogos. (tarikh bom jatuh kat bandar tersebut =__=")

yang depan tu ialah Alissa Suraya. (sedap op nama dia?)

masa mereka menandatangani kertas mahjong

dan....

akan kukenang semula peristiwa apabila
"melepak" (aka latihan berterusan yang memenatkan gila-gila) dengan awok-awok speech choir (2011) dan choral speaking (2009) yang sporting & riang ria ^^
aku hempok belakang budak baru (gambar di atas) dengan botol plastik gara-gara geram (biar baru kenal 2 minggu. mintak maaf!)
sembang dengan Fatonahhh kat line belakang sekali (ni choral speaking form one :P)
balik Paka naik bas sekolah dengan muka paling bergaya (sekolah elit la konon ni)
mendengar lagu-lagu ballad jiwang karat habis circa 90an (kot? hanya mampu memberi andaian) dalam bas sekolah yang seringkali berulang
kali pertama memanjat pagar masa form one (>__<)"
jamuan-jamuan dorm pada waktu malam yang menjadi penyumbang utama kepada......peningkatan peratus lemak dalam badan
berbuka puasa ramai-ramai kat dewan makan ( air sedakkkk masa bulan puasa ^^ )
kena denda duk luar lab oleh cikgu sains masa form one pasal tak siapkan nota (padahal masa tu tak sampai lagi sebulan duk sekolah =__=")
kena "joging pagi" atau lebih tepat, denda berlari pusing blok D & blok C apabila telah ponteng solat subuh berjemaah kat surau sekolah (zaman-zaman kegemilangan D07)

menghantar bakul dobi dari paras tiga dengan termengah-mengah (pasal paras tiga tu tinggi jugak!)

berharap bahawa muatan bakul tidak melebihi 10 kg...dan menjerit gembira apabila berjaya (pasal biasanya BERAT GILA BAKUL DOBI TU, nampak sangat tak suka sangat basuh baju ehek3)
Dan macam-macam lagi kenangan yang tidak boleh disebut dengan sewenang-wenangnya di sini. Nanti timbul kontroversi.

Akhirul kalam,

AKU AKAN MERINDUI SMK MAK LAGAM!

Banyak sangat memori aku kat SMK Mak Lagam. Mustahil kalau aku dapat senaraikan semua kat blog ni (yang ni pun ambik masa berjam-jam lama. Penat aku taip tahu?!). Tapi inshaAllah, semua yang aku lalui akan aku simpan dalam hati sampai bila-bila. Terima kasih jadi kawan yang baik, terima kasih atas segala-galanya.

Tikah, Zulek, Aishah, Matun.

Ned. Mirahusna. Matun. Anati.

Adda & Fika. Sek2 Paka gopp ^^

Tekunnya mereka.

HAHA. Mukhlis, Azwan, Petok, Amir, Tamimi

Pinut .. Mukhlis (yg gila gambor =.=) .. Petok

Ema, Mizah, Matun ;)

Zulek, Aishah, Syera, sapentahtakkenalkot?,Matun, Nati

Akan kukenang selalu.. SMK Mak Lagam <3

PS. Doakan kejayaan & kecemerlangan aku kat sekolah baru :)

distance cannot separate us, my dear

Sadness is tugging at my heartstrings.

Because yesterday, 27 February 2012 at around 1617 hours, I have officially left Tesmal.

The school that brings a thousand memories to me, perhaps more? It brings so much colour, so much meaning to my life as an adolescent.

And apparently, times change. People change. There are ones who bid farewell, and there are ones to welcome, and there are times to create new memories...while cherishing, preserving the old sweetness of the past in our hearts and minds :)

THE HOSTEL OF AWESOMENESS.

Ah. Can I proceed in Malay?

.....

Masa orang tau aku nak pindah, memang lazimnya mulut-mulut akan bertanya,

"Nape mung nak pindah haa?" ataupun soalan lain yang lebih kurang sama maknanya, namun berbeza kosa katanya berdasarkan identiti si penyoal. Biasanya memang adalah disertai dengan bebelan tak puas hati secukup rasa. Ada jugak yang tak cakna langsung... alah, aku tak kesah pun. Bukannya aku rapat/kenal gila-gila dengan semua orang dalam batch aku kan. 

Tapi aku blah memang tak kena hari la. Nasib malang aku pindah masa hari semua orang pekse (a.k.a ujian dalaman bulan Februari) jadi tak sempatlah aku ambik gambar banyak-banyak ke, nak berpeluk-salaman dengan kawan-kawan sepuas hati...almaklumlah, mereka ini semua memang fokus study tatkala ujian/peperiksaan menjelma. Aku rasa macam penceroboh je kadang-kadang bila aku nak ambil gambar diorang (muka bersalah >_<).

Aku dapat tahu pasal tawaran SBP masa otw pergi majlis kecemerlangan PMR, mak aku yang SMS. Mula-mula aku macam ... hahhh?! Lepas tu, ihikhikhik (gembira lah kirenya ni?). Dan kemudiannya, adoii mak rasa macam nak nangis (sedih) la pulak. Dan ketika itu Anis yang duduk kat tepi aku menjadi orang pertama yang tahu aku bakal blah ke SBP.

Hari-hari kemudiannya. Fikiran aku (agak) bercelaru, tapi takdelah tahap gila...alhamdulillah. Setakat termenung sini-sana ada la kut. Biasanya kalau aku berhadapan dengan situasi camni, study aku sepatutnya tak terjaga, tapi rakan-rakan sekeliling seringkali bertanya aku tentang soalan addmath (WHYYYY?!) jadi secara tidak langsungnya, aku pun turut study sekali lah dengan diorang. Banyak kali jugaklah aku ke hulu hilir mengajar orang addmath (tapi aku takdelah pandai gila addmath, cukup-cukup makan je) sampai menjelajahi kelas 4 Ikhlas,

ta-daaaaaaa.. 4ikhlas :D

sementara menolak tawaran menjelaskan prinsip-prinsip kimia kepada orang lain kerana ...... aku suka sangat berangan/berkoya tah lain/tidur/tak menumpukan perhatian dalam kelas Kimia. (mintak maaf cikgu!)

Aku sempat lagi ambik ujian hari pertama bersama kawan-kawan aku. Tak kesah dah hal borang-borang yang bermacam tu. Lantak la, ni ujian terakhir aku kat sini, aku kena ambik jugak walau apa jua yang berlaku! (kes-kes kecemasan dikecualikan -.-) 

Karangan BM aku hancussss pada perenggan-perenggan yang terakhir....yelah kan, aku bukannya hebat sangat dalam bab-bab bahasa ibunda ni. Ayat & isi yang mengarut, berbelit-belit...gerenti karangan aku kena "pengiktirafan" karangan paling tak sedap dan akan diedarkan kepada semua budak kelas aku dan ....ya, aku duk fikir bukan-bukan je. Tapi bahagian edaran tu memang PASTI.

Addmath pulak? Okey je kut? Yang pastinya, aku salah buat graf yang sepatutnya kena betul kerana soalan itu amatlah senang sebenarnya.. Sila menangis sekarang juga, rugi 2 markah di situ sudah.

Kimia.... aku tertinggal dua soalan (frustfrustfrustfrust) kerana 

1) mak aku tunggu dah kat bawah :( 

2) aku tak ingatlah maksud resapan & isotop yang buat rawat penyakit thyroid. Padah tidur dalam kelas.

Lepas tu aku pun dah tergesa-gesa mencari pengesahan dll. Sehabisnya aku mencari pengesahan, aku pun menangis bila jumpa kengkawan yang sungguh . baik . hati . bersalam dengan aku, bagi kata-kata semangat kat aku, etc. Muka masa tu,... mata merah & berair, hidung merah, muka pucat. Muka aku memang tak lawa bila menangis. Dan...err, tidaklah ia cantik pada setiap masa, sebenarnya... melainkan seandainya anda yang merasakan demikian, hihii :p

Dah dah. Post dah panjang sangat dah. Nanti sambunggggggg ~

Maybe I'm going a little too fast?

“Soalan matematik tambahan adalah seperti lingkaran benang yang berselirat, sesungguhnya untuk mencari punca utamanya adalah dengan menenangkan fikiran dan perasaan, seterusnya cuba menarik simpulan satu persatu dengan sabar.”

Assalamualaikum. OK I made up that sentence above. It's not a quote from a renowned person, it's something that I've made up on the way home, in the bus. I was actually done with my Addmaths homework, and I was pretty satisfied with my work (but I didn't check the answers so I don't know whether they're right or wrong, lol) and so this set of sentences/phrases jumped in my mind out of nowhere.
Dude, even additional maths makes me go philosophical all of a sudden.

Right right. Now what am I supposed to talk about next?
............
* insert the sounds of singing crickets here *
............
er,

AHA! Lightbulb moment!

I think I've gone a little too far with the lightbulb. Anyway let's see ... ummmmmm

Yeah, I'm at home.

Of course I'm home. Where else would I be blogging right now? And there's been some happenings, but then I'm too lazy to make a long long post so I guess I'll just tell a few.

First, there was the gruelling, painstaking cross-country race.
Ah, makes me tired just thinking about it, eh? My limbs were stiff for a week, like there are rocks attached to my joints and tendons. Every movement of my feet consists of dragging, heaving, the works. And as for my achievement in the competition, let's just say it's a great downscale from the good top ten I've got last year (I mean, that was fair enough. We only needed to compete with the girls from our own form. But this year the competitions pretty intense, with the fifth-formers who happen to be really really really good runners).
Another thing, let's just say OH YEAH I'M PRETTY RELIEVED because the people who aced this cross-country race had to compete for the district levels and the training is complete exhaustion. Plus it takes up most of our rest-and-relaxation time during the weekdays, which is from 5 to 6 p.m. Fuhfuh, so tiring. I wouldn't be able to cope, I'm never the one who knows time management like the back of my hand.

And to think,
to think!
That my good great awesome friend whom I always sing 'Gurindam Jiwa' with, is leaving me out in the cold.
Literally. February showers make our dorm--or basically, the whole school--feel like Alaska. A wetter version of Alaska, that is, but Alaska nonetheless! Sheltered in the sanctum of Asma' (er, that's the name of my dorm.), curled in the warmth of my blanket, mmmmmm what a good evening nap. Ohoho :D

Eh, er, what was I saying again?
Right, what I'm trying to say is that Siti Fatonah,
my good great awesome friend whom I always sing 'Gurindam Jiwa' with ..
my wonderful dorm-mate for 1 year and 30 days & class-mate for 2 years and 30 days ..
the person who always has a song to sing / lyrical phrase to go with the situation ..
the person who accompanies me at the back line of the choral speaking group ..
the person who always has something pretty interesting to say .. 
the person who remembers funny TV commercials ..
the person whom I see first when I wake up in the morning .. (well, her bed is in front of mine?)

eh eh muka aiiii :P

and most of all, the friend who's always been by my side and never left,
is finally going to make her mark somewhere else.
.. DUUDE! I couldn't sing 'Gurindam Jiwa' all by meself, it's a duet. And I couldn't think of anyone else who'd be actually willing to sing this good old song with me.
And if I could, it wouldn't be the same...
* teardrop *
Anyhow.. I should just take the fate in acceptance, even as hard it might be to do so.. and borrow Adele's words ..
I wish nothing but the best for you

And I guess I could carry a tune without slipping too much,
so okay Tonah! You'd better visualize me singing this with my hair flying around, wringing the clothes at the sink, wearing my dark brown sweatpants and a damp white t-shirt.
* clears throat *

tuai padi antara masak
esok jangan .... layu-layuan
intai kami antara nampak
esok jangan .... rinduuu-rinduannn (you can imagine me doing this tunelessly, bahaha)

anak cina pasang lukahh
lukah dipasang ..... di tanjung jati
di dalam hati takkan ku lupa
bagai rambut tersimpul mati ...

batang selasih permainan budak ..
daun selasih .... dimakan kuda ..
bercerai kasih .. talak tiadaaa
seribu tahun ..... kembali juga ~

Mm, good song ain't it? I love it.
And the memory of you, while singing this, makes it even more special :")
( OH NO THE TEARS ARE COMING )( THIS IS SO BAD )
sniff sniff.
Greaaaaaat, now I'm actually crying. And laughing. At the same time.
I hope I'm not qualified to enrol in mental asylum though..

di sini jua memori tercipta
walau seketika terjalin kasih kita
mungkin di sini kita kan berpisah
kenangan bersama takkan kulupa

I'm doing a lot of singing in the crack of the morning, that's for sure =__="
Sorry. Hope you (referring to anyone anyone who reads this post) don't mind. You haven't heard me in the shower yet :P
...and I guess my voice is worse in there. Hahaha.

So I guess this is the end of my post, I've got plenty of homework going on here and it's because of this blog I'm abandoning them temporarily. Tsk tsk tsk ~

C'est la vie, :)