Aaahh.

Assalamualaikum & good morning to anyone who happens to pass by on this beautiful Saturday afternoon :)
It's the eighth day of Ramadan already. Time is sprinting, sprinting, and this evening I'm going back to kaytee, which is going to make me a weensy bit upset. I mean, it's not that I'm not used to fasting far away from home--I had three years' worth of that already so I'm prepared. But it's the fact that I won't be fasting at Kemaman. Yup, I guess there's still traces of Tesmal-sickness left inside me.

Despite that, I think that I've left for the best. But then, what is destined for us is always the best for us, don't you think? At first, hmmm yeah I felt down-hearted, disconsolate. I cried most of the time, but well, once you let the tears awash.. everything takes on a crystalline view. Lovely. I love the change, and what it had brought to me.

There's been so much new memories with new friends that I've never imagined meeting before. I've done things that I've never imagined doing in my entire life, honestly. I guess my horizons have widened a bit since I left my old school, and that's something. However, no one can ever replace the old faces, and hopefully they'll remain embedded in the deepest coves of my heart. All my friends, old and new, are my heart and soul.

It is difficult to accept change, I'll admit that. But somehow you'll just adapt to it. Reform. Metamorphose. But the essence of you, will remain intact. However much you've changed, there's still that piece of uniqueness that makes you you. Don't be afraid of change. Because no matter bad it seems at first, it'll lead you to the best that will ever happen, as long you have faith in Allah, that He will make the best happen. Don't we always pass through trivialities to attain the bliss? :)

Peace out. Once my ramble mode's activated, I could type a thesis.

life, how it is

Hello again, everyone if there's anyone. I doubt your presence here, though, so okay, I guess it's okay for me to ramble on aimlessly hehee :P

If there's one fault that I've got to admit, it's a difficulty to be grateful with what I have. Especially when it comes to my examination results. People keep telling me that. And I guess it's true, what they say. We might think the people around us are judgmental if they tend to criticize us, but then, it's okay to lend your ears to them and listen to them once in a while. Especially if they are the ones who are always ready to speak their mind, openly and honestly. We should always be ourselves. But that doesn't mean we cannot improve the persona that we choose to convey ourselves through, does it?

I don't know why it's so difficult for me to actually appreciate what I've done.
There's always this dreaded feeling nestled up inside of me, saying
you're not good enough.
incompetent against the world.
I don't like it. I want to be more confident, but not overconfident. 
Overdoing anything is bad, and doing nothing is just as wrong.
Being overconfident worsens the situation, being unconfident brings you nowhere.

Oh, right now obviously I'm talking about my midterms results. Can't you tell? Right, this sounds suspiciously conceited, so I presume that I've wrongly questioned you guys when you've already known.
I mean, the sentence 'especially when it comes to my examination results' on paragraph two, line one, clearly is a dead giveaway, a statement concerning the obvious, ain't it?

Hmm well regarding my midterms. I think they're just plain blah (oooh! I like the word blah). Most of the okay-ish grades I've got are of the 'terkangkang-atas-tong' variety. Honest. And when I stalk people's grades through e-pantau (oh kantoii!), I get real envious, of my friends at my old school because they're so good. I feel like a total drip. A slack-off like none other :(
(Either that, or my teachers are horrendously strict in marking papers, lol)

But then, whatever to terkangkang-atas-tong grades.
I should be grateful for what I've got, despite that it's not what I've expected, not what I've strove for.
Allah knows what's best for me, and that's what matters :)

p.s. AND I MUST GET MY EFFORT GEARS RUNNING! :B
p.p.s. Pray for me.

i have nothing else to say

lencana baru

spiraling madness

THIS IS SO AWKWARD 
BUT I'VE GOTTA LET THIS OFF MY CHEST
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO FEEL 
IT'S SO CONFUSING
I THINK I'M FALLING INTO AN ABYSS 
I HATE THIS FEELING
BUT I ENJOY IT SOMEHOW
WHY NOW? WHY NOW? WHY NOW?
WHY REMINISCE? WHY? WHY? WHYYYYYYYYYYYY
IT'S GOING TO BE AN EXCRUCIATING TWO WEEKS
WITHOUT
(OK FORGET IT.)

but then. 
You're a normal human being with feelings.
So it's plain normal to feel like this, right? 
I know it'll go away someday,
but somehow I don't want it to.

semester holidays, commence!

Say heeeeeeeeey hoooooo.
Finally! Finally! The semester break has finally responded to the summons of many many students from all over Malaysia, all huffing & puffing exhaustedly after weeks of the suck-ish midterm exams, desperately dying for a rest from the whirlwind of pandemonium, complication, confusion and turmoil of which we sum up in one single word: SCHOOL.

my schoolmates & teachers on Teacher's Day. Notice that girl in white tudung, her head bowed down (in sleep, fourth row from the back)

Haha, random photo.

And I'm so glad that the midterms are O-O-O-O-OVER. Yes people, no more exams! In the meantime, that is. There's still the Diagnostics Test in August and the end-of-year exams to endure though, so how unfortunate you are. Sigh.

The weeks of last-minute studying were painstaking. Midterms came to me somewhat of a surprise, though, everything was astoundingly DIFFERENT than what I've experienced with. The multitude of essays and whatnot.. yeah, it's hard getting used to. And well, I'm not granted with that extraordinary ability to memorize stuff easily and precisely so it's pretty difficult to do essay questions.
And Addmaths was a horror story, do mind! OK not Addmaths in general. Addmaths is quite engaging, actually, it's logarithms that addle my brain into a mishmash.

Results? iz a so-far-so-good kinda thing but well perhaps for you brilliant-thinkers and all-round-flying-colours-students it might not be so good after all. *ashamed* Anyhow, alhamdulillah :)

blush.

living a life, a very different life.

Salutations & greetings, dear individual who happened to click on the link and read this blog.
Ahh I've been very vague about the happenings in my life, time is scarce ain't it?
Actually at first I was very enthused to write, but apparently I always forget what I was going to write, the second I placed my fingers on the keyboard. Sigh.

Life at Sester is different than it was at my beloved SMK Mak Lagam (and I still have some stuff left there. I'd better drop by and take 'em before they become historical artifacts), but somehow it still has its similarities. But the differences are more dominant.
I mean, even the people there call me by different names. My name was abbreviated to KB (can you imagine? Only two letters of the alphabet!) and some people have even took to calling me Bahirah, which is a name I rarely ever use to refer to myself. Still I don't mind. Change could be something quite refreshing.
(tapi rasa cam lawak ah orang panggil KB. lol)

Life, is less leisurely. Take my word for that. At my old school, I'd walk at a snail's pace. Uhhh, okay, not exactly. But time seemed to move so sloooooow there, plenty of time to gossip with the dorm-mates (while doing our homework of course! ;D), plenty of time to do some extra addmaths questions, plenty of time to doze under the bright pink blanket in the evenings. But when I got to kaytee, there's just no time to do all of that. Except for the occasional relaxed Friday evenings where I'd sit at the patio, eye to eye with an Addmaths workbook, haughtily ignoring the scores of girls and guys busy Facebooking and DotA-ing respectively. Sejarah, no chance of me being caught with that, with my eyes open. Coz usually I'd be snoring next to it =="

Clothes, are less strict. Wah! OK this is probably the second-best thing I could think of Sester, hahaha :D The dress code is relatively more independent, and I loooove the fact that we could wear t-shirts during evening prep (extra classes included unless said otherwise) and 'abaya for night prep. The 'abaya is definitely DA BOMB since it's so easy, quick, convenient, no need to iron. A short-sleeved tee, comfy pants, slip on the abaya and tudung and you're ready to go! Cool right? OK this is definitely on the days when you have the scarcest of times to fuss about ironing your baju kurung and stuff :P
And the fact that students could wear brooches to school (macam nak secure tudung kat bawah dagu) is quite shocking, since I, being an ex-prefect at my old school, used to write out the names of the misdeed-doers and give 'em to the PKP, and had confiscated them on occasion, handing them over to the teacher on duty, on their orders. No offense, but it's quite a lot to get used to, seeing all those senior prefects wearing brooches under their chins :">

The students, are so open-minded. Nice breath of fresh air that is. They've got this sort of.....what do you call it? Perspective, yeah, perspective. A whole new viewpoint on the world. Meeting new people, is quite engaging. I could talk to them about all sorts of things which I've never talked about to others. Sometimes I feel so intimidated, so immature with their charisma (most of them have that certain quality). Maybe that's the bug you catch when you get to SBP. Hopefully I'd get to catch that charisma bug too, and stand level to level with them, inshaAllah :D

Haha that's it I guess.
Oh and btw,
Pray for me. The midterms are looming and I still end up sleeping while reading Sejarah :O

please note the Elit Terengganu tshirt!! terharu tak. xP

my new family, at the night of KIS (Karnival Islam Sester). I entered nasheed =="