i'm no good at titles.

Reasons why I like to eat cooked freshwater catfish of the family Plotosidae. (or okay, more widely known as ikan sembilang. I got the scientific family name from Wikipedia. Haha)
1) I'm not allergic to it. Apparently my lips inflate if I eat most fish. Sigh, life goes on.
2) There's no such fish served in the school dining hall T-T
3) It. Is. Hands-down. Delicious. No matter however way you cook it. (I doubt this could be made into sushi though. PS. I don't like sushi)

Masha-Allah, I had that for dinner and I felt a momentary lapse of reality. One bite, and I've probably soared to a temporary state of euphoria :")
I've once read about the folktale behind its existence (try Googling it, it's pretty cool) but obviously it didn't really happen. But ancient folktales are often interesting to read, even though they aren't true. They've got a lot of moral values, that's for sure. I usually like the ones involving them princesses. (immature, immature.)

The people from a long, long, long time ago, pass the time with those folktales (it's probably them who actually made up all that stuff) since they don't have TV, computers, touchscreen tablets or well... most of the high-tech gizmo we have right now. The stories are also a medium for non-formal education...you know, teach little kids about good manners, life lessons and stuff, I think.

For me, I guess telling stories is a reliable way to spend time and integrate moral values among youth. I've always liked hearing older people do the storytelling, usually my aunts and uncles would do that. They usually play the actual role of a penglipur lara. Nowadays, the thing closest to a penglipur lara is probably the bringer of gossip and uncertain rumors. And well, admit it, we (especially the female ones) do have a secret enjoyment in gossip, do we not? I admit, I'm quite partial to listening to it, but...juicy gossip is clearly not a good thing though, they're discreetly associated with the bad, the aib of others.

"Woe to every slanderer and backbiter." Quran, 104:1

Abu Hurairah r.a. relates that Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said: "Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should speak good or remain silent." [Sahih al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim]

Spoken clear in the Quran. Spoken in the hadith. Why can't I control my tongue? Why can't we control our tongues? Unanswerable. It is very difficult to resist temptation, to tame our wild desire that attempts to steer us from doing the right. The strong one is not the one who overcomes people, the strong one is he who overcomes his ego (nafs). And so, we must strive for the jihad ul-nafs.
And try to control ourselves from speaking ill of others, especially from behind their backs, and most especially if the people we talk about are of our own loved family, kith and kin, or our own dear friends.

Much as we love to hear gossip, restrain from hearing it, spreading it...just basically, anything that has to do with gossip!
This is more to a reminder for myself, and also people who take time to read this blog. Hope you benefit from anything I've been writing (even though I mostly ramble nonsense, heheh)

Well, this has came a long way from the reasons of liking to eat cooked freshwater catfish. =_="
Mm-hmm, way off-topic.

I'm not sure if you have noticed my absence.

Today I was just going to have my evening bath, and I was turning to the sink to empty my nose...which then I realized....

"There's no mucus overload in my nose anymore!"

Alhamdulillah, for a moment I felt so grateful to be granted health. Felt like dancing a jig, singing soprano. Health is a wonderful blessing by God, masha-Allah. You cannot believe how happy I felt.

But then...

I thought again. Obviously I had carried on with ease since morning, why didn't I....well, notice it earlier? The hypothetical question. And then I felt this momentary pang in my head. When I was finally got ridden of the flu, gratefulness wasn't the first thing that entered my mind. It came a little later. I didn't even notice that I was actually healthy, in fact.

We notice our sicknesses. Our flaws. Our discomfort. Our difficulties. And when we do, then we will actually start to remember Allah. We keep muttering under our breath, "Ya Allah, the pain!" or make dua every day, "Oh Allah, aid me in overcoming this difficulty..." when we are under these kinds of consequences. The bad ones.

"And We will most certainly try you with somewhat of fear and hunger and loss of property and lives and fruits; and give good news to the patient," Quran, 2:155

But what about when we are blessed with the good stuff? Health. Richness. Happiness. Love. Do we think for a second, who actually granted them? Or if we did, would that be the first thing that entered our minds? We often remember Him in our difficulty, but do we remember Him during our bouts of happiness?

"Do ye not see that Allah has subjected to your (use) all things in the heavens and on earth, and has made his bounties flow to you in exceeding measure, (both) seen and unseen? Yet there are among men those who dispute about Allah, without knowledge and without guidance, and without a Book to enlighten them!" (Quran, 31:20)

Sadly, we never take notice of our blessings, even if all we have to do is open our eyes. Perceive the great life that Allah has granted upon us with the heart and soul. And if we keep counting our blessings, we will see that they certainly outnumber our trivialities.

To be honest, I am as flawed as you are, and just because I'm writing this doesn't mean that I am perfectly devoted. No, this is merely to remind myself.

The good and bad are all trivialities, even if you couldn't notice them. They certainly are.

Be grateful for what you have, for there are people out there who have it worse than you do.

Be patient in overcoming the obstacles in your lives, because Allah will always be there for the as-Sobirin, the patient ones.

And most of all, remember Allah in everything you do, and He will guide you. :")

PS. School's arriving in less than a week, and I'm not fully prepared yet. Aiyaa :O

How Do I Live Without You?

I must admit that the post title is quite jiwang?
Haha. But .. umh .. this jiwang has a meaning! Wahahaha.
( seriously, no jiwang has no meaning. That's the point of berjiwang, isn't it? To relish uttered words with heart and soul? Note the word jiwa = soul in jiwang. Rightright? Hehehe I'm just being nonsensical anyway! )

Right, I'm straying away from the main point.
You know the song How Do I Live by Trisha Yearwood?




It was also sung by LeAnn Rimes though, but I like T.Y.'s version better. No offense to LAR's fans though, I adore her as much as you do, but not when she sings that particular song, winkwink ;)
The song's a little oldie, released in 1994. I prefer songs from the 90s and back, as compared to the early 21st century stuff--well, as in now! There are great singers in this time, but yeah I prefer the old gold. Cause old songs usually have a deeper meaning, accompanied with rich voices. Ahhh... nowadays most singers opt for autotune. And sing about pretty much the same stuff. And with all the techno, remixes and whatsoever, I feel that music is losing its real meaning. Sigh....
(But I don't diss it completely. I like rap, note the music playing on my blog anyway. I Tried, by Bone Thugs & Harmony, released in 2007. ^__^)

And again things are starting to spiral to another topic. Seriously I don't know why. Hehehe.
Anyway, I was talking about How Do I Live by Trisha Yearwood/LeAnn Rimes.
The lyrics are awesome! But honestly this song is more dedicated to a leaving lover, I guess.
But we could live without them. Our hope of life will only be destroyed .. when .. we leave out Allah in our lives.
Am I right? He is the Great Creator of everything that exists today, yesterday and tomorrow, holds the reins of our lives completely, and controls our destiny. Everything we have, is His.
So I've modified some of the lyrics.
Original song belongs to the original composers and singers :)

Allah,
How do I get through?
One night without You
If I had to live without You
What kind of life would that be?


Oh I need You in my heart, need You to hold
You're my world, my heart, my soul
If You ever leave, ya Allah,
You would take away everything good in my life


Without You,
There will be no sun in my sky
There will be no love in my life
There'd be no world left for me


If you ever leave me, Ya Allah, you would
take away everything real in my life ..

Okay I'm not really eager to put the whole lyrics, anyway, coz it pretty much repeats the same thing all over again. But the lyrics are deep, right?? And they fit! *eyes sparkling*

don't laugh. this is my Facebook display photo :)

So I think that's it. Wassalam! :)

PS. PMR results are coming out in less than a week. Can you hear my heart go beep beep? Okay that's not appropriate, beepbeep is like so Kim Possible (yes I like KP very much, thank youuuu)--or an incoming text message. Umm maybe my heart sounds a lot more like beating drums. I guess that sounds better.

Pray for my success in getting straight A's, ameen. And for those third-formers reading this, I wish you all the best. Insha-Allah we will all succeed! ^_^

everchanging

I've been doing a lot of thinking with this one. But I came to the decision...why not? It might not mean anything, but it means a lot to me. It means that I could finally post something worthwhile to read.
At least, for me.
Well, here goes...

Change, is a part of every one.

I change. You change. We change. Everyone changes.

Whether its physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.

We talk about changing for the better.

But well, the 'better' depends on what we think is better, because one's perspective is different. Sometimes what we think is good for us, is actually something that we shouldn't do.

Fighting has been enjoined upon you while it is hateful to you. But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not. (Quran, 2:216)

Exactly!

We've heard a lot, for instance:

"Aku nak try ah ponteng kelas sekali, bosan siot belajar"

"Geram aku tengok baju tuh. Aku nak pakai lah, seksi sikit jea orang bukannya kesah"

That's the 'better' on a negative perspective. May we be avoided from thoughts like that, and similar to that.

Sadly I've once thought about the latter sentence. And I had done that. And with that, I am totally ashamed with myself. Oh dear....

But! There is always time to change for the better. The positive kind of better, the true kind of better.

The better that comes with Allah's pleasure.

The better that leads you the way to Jannah.
Like .... you want to be a better student, with better grades. You want to be a better daughter/son, who obliges the parents. You want to be a better Muslim, who follows Allah's commands obligatorily.
Ameen. 

Usually when we try to change for the better, there will be all matter of responses. 

Encouragement. And usually the ones who encourage will guide us in our change. We should be that kind of person, who encourages others to do good things.

But when there's the good, there is the bad. When there's encouragement, there will be always people who belittle your efforts, despite that you want to be a better person.

Usually they want you to stay the same, as they couldn't accept the thought of you being better.

example:

"Ala, apa la ko ni. Tengok aku, rileks je buat gitu gini. Tiba-tiba je ko tobat. Tak rock lah. Be yourself la derr"

And that's a misusage of the word "be yourself". A positive being an excuse for the negative. Many people do that, like using words from hadith and Quran to stand up for dirty deeds. Or boldly use the mantra "Just Do It" when they attempt the rebellious and dangerous.

A: Weh, kenapa dia tak balas-balas lagi mesej aku? Aku lama da mintak couple dengan dia, demm!

B: Assobru minal iman ....

Uhuh. That's one problem.

Okay, back to where I've left off.

So okay, there will be people who discriminate, condemn the ones who want to change to be better. ( but it's better if there's not )

There are a lot of stories about Muslim converts' experiences on how they were abandoned by their families and friends, because of their new identities as Muslims. So did they give up? No! There are success stories. They kept on going. In fact, with their new Islamic beliefs, there are some people who ended up with their families openly embracing the new faith. Alhamdulillah for them :)

And that's when we should say ..... Assobru minal iman. Patience is a part of faith.

Even though there are others who will make you feel uneasy, keep on your best intentions and ignore the distractions. For who knows? Maybe the ones who keep on condemning will accept your notions of change and will follow in your steps :)

So when we resolve to change to the good, well do it!
( because usually we are more motivated to do ... uh, things that are bad for us. Nauzubillah. )
We often say that we want to change, but it doesn't actually happen. Or that it did happen, but it was stopped short halfway because:
1) You couldn't take the criticism. Words stab more pain than swords.
2) There are others who succeeded in pulling you back.
3) You lost to your temptations, and eventually given up on the efforts.

Yes. We shouldn't just talk about our intentions to change, instead we should just abandon all talk and actually get around to accomplish our noble intentions. We shouldn't just pray to be better, because we need to insert the efforts along with it.
“Those who pray but do not have the effort are lazy. Those who have effort but do not pray are conceited.”- unknown

"For each one are successive [angels] before and behind him who protect him by the decree of Allah . Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves. And when Allah intends for a people ill, there is no repelling it. And there is not for them besides Him any patron." (Quran, 13:11)

Panas usah membakar dada

Suara usah menggegar sahaja
Kalau benar membawa cita
Di dalam senyap kumpulkan tenaga
Ayam bertelur sekampung tahu
Mengapa mesti kita begitu?
Falsafah ubi diam berisi
Mengapa tidak kita turuti?

- Seuntai Kata Untuk Dirasa, A. Samad Said

Fuhh :)
Before I finish this post, make sure that your change to good is not merely an impression.
As a human being, we find pleasure when people praise us for our actions, intentions, etc. We feel that teeny swell inside our hearts when people actually like what we do.
But we are not created to please everyone. We are created to please Allah.
The important thing is ... you change for His sake. Not for anyone else, but Him.

I'm writing this because I want to remind myself, and the others who read this.
Lets change to the good, and may we be in His path. Insha-Allah :)

being random like always

Lately, I've been spending a lot of time on my blog. Typical on year-end hols. It's only now that we have time to spare ... being a boarder it's almost impossible to update. Scarce time + homework + tight schedule. What do you expect?
Anyway, it's already December for 6 days now, eh? How fast time flies, I'm sixteen next year. Hope I could be wiser in making my choices in life. Think I've grown up a lot, idk. I know I'm still immature--can't destroy the inner child, but less immature than few years back. 

When I look back, I've been through a "gedik" phase, lost-sense-of-dignity phase, and blahblahblah. Being an adolescent (I prefer this word over the word 'teenager'. I don't know how I discovered the word 'adolescent', but I used it since I'm 12.), I guess it's normal to go through a lot of different, ever-changing phases cause we're a bit unsettled concerning our identity. Plus the hormones.
Well, as long one doesn't have suicidal urges (nauzubillah!), I think it's okay.

This blog is a total zero. I'm not entirely sure about why I'm still putting up posts here, aka pit of nowhere.
Anyone who reads this must have done this on a whim, or something, because it is definitely not the most interesting of blogs. In fact, I think this could have been nominated "Most Boring Blog of The Year" if there are awards like that. Notify me if there are. I'd like to be in the running.

But then, I do like to write. It's sort of a passion I somehow developed along my childhood. I started blogging since I was 12, I think. My old blog has probably turned to dust due to abandonment. I guess I blog because I like writing about random stuff, but I should write about something more worthwhile. Maybe when I get older, I'll become a part-time journalist writing about medical research or something like that. Who knows?
Well, besides having a career in surgical medicine, I've always harboured a secret--well, now it's not a secret, hehe--dream of getting my writing published in the Reader's Digest. Or just in any newspaper or magazine. But well, most importantly I reeeeeally dream of writing a RD article. Most people read RD, right? (I do, it's my favourite reading material. I don't know if you don't read RD) I'll not be writing about hot controversy and conspiracy, though. Just a nice, lukewarm, informative piece. It's like a biting in a freshly-baked scone for breakfast on a lovely weekend.
Still I do want to write about medical research, and that's serious. That's not a freshly-baked scone, is it?
Oh well. I'm starting to ramble nonsense here, so I'd better stop now. Have a lovely holiday, :)

PS. I want to start on my Form 4 reading today! What will I discover?
PPS. I've finally watched Tangled, even though it was around for already a long time. I'm so not up-to-date. I give it ★★★★★ :D
Definitely Best Movie Ever, added to my list of favourite movies--I definitely appreciate a good comedy-and-romance film, added that I'm a sucker to Disney animated movies. Especially the old ones dating from the 40s. Told you I'm immature, and while I'm at it, an old-school kid. peace yeah :P

epitomeofboredom

Well hello it's me in the middle of the night wanting to sleep but couldn't sleep because I've slept a little too soundly in the car.
Apparently I'm too eager to write--excuse me, type--that I left out all comma and fullstops at the appropriate places. Well actually I'm not really eager to update, but apparently Facebook is blah, I suck at Twitter and I think my head's getting the spin-spin after a 300-plus-kilometre journey to read up on dear darling Wikipedia.

Which brings me to why I'm typing this blog post starting 12.12 am on the fifth of December, 2011.
I've been on a 300-kilometre journey from mommy's birthplace, Negeri Sembilan because she has some reunion with her old high-school friends.

I can't imagine me on a high-school reunion. What will I say? (probably blurt out something by the lines of, "Hey everyone, I'm the nerd who sits at the back of the class who hates sports and gets my nose buried in a book during free period.") Would it be totally awkward? (As if I'm not awkward enough) Will I get fatter? (NO!!!! PLEASE NOOOOOOOO) Will I be married to some handsome Middle Eastern lookalike with 5 gorgeous children in tow? (hehe.... :">) Will I be the awesome renowned cardiac surgeon at the National Heart Institute? (hopefully!) Will I ..... I should snap out of this.

Okay that's getting a teensy out of the line. Right, it's my mom's high school alumni reunion party. Big deal. As if anyone would want to actually know about it. No one asked.
Problem is, I'm soooooooooooo bored right now, y'know?

I went there to gorge on food, take pictures and spy on hot guys--er, not really. I actually kept my head down and avoided all social contact with anyone.....not that there were advances from any of them, anyway. Not even a Hi. Or Assalamualaikum. Or "Hey, what's your name?" No-one wanted to know the drabby speccie in oversized blue. (am I doomed to a life of loneliness? insert sad violin piece here)
Plus, when my lips made contact with the fish they served for lunch there, ah well, they got a little swollen. How was I supposed to know I'm allergic to it, anyway? Most fish look pretty much the same, and I couldn't specify the particular ones that I was allergic to. And yeah, my lips probably screamed out Angelina Jolie chic during their allergic reactions. Guess I don't need Restylane to get my lips plumped up. Just get me near to the cencaru and I'd be good to go to be in Hollywood...not that I want to, anyway =.="
So, from my point of view, that event was a 3 on the 1-10 scale of interest.
And the trip back was long and tiring, even though I slept most of the way. Heheh.
Which explains my sleepless solitude tonight. (that was a line from one of Mariah Carey's songs)

Good night.

heartfelt

Hard to me to talk about my feelings here. but I gotta let it out sometime.

Crush. Heartbreak. Lost sense of belonging.
Remember how stupid I was. Hopes. Dreams. All melded.
But .. it didn't account for anything. A total letdown.
Danced in the air of bliss, when suddenly all hope crashed into a vat of bitter loss.
I lived a fantasy created by the mind that knows not.

Damn right it is. But life is too priceless to waste it all with some guy who probably doesn't even care.

But anyway, every cloud has a silver lining. For me, we shouldn't rush in all this lovey-dovey business, that could simply wait until we have summoned full-fledged maturity of the mind and soul. The teenage soul is reckless. Calm it down.

Before we start a relationship with other people, we should see to our relationship to Allah, so it wouldn't be neglected. and I must admit .. it has been neglected...

"So remember Me; I will remember you. And be grateful to Me and do not deny Me."

[Quran, 2:152]

If we look back to our actions, we simply surrender ourselves to so-called "love", yet we ignore most of His commands...... that's not right, is it? It's not.

I don't oppose love. It's subjective, relative, means something different to different people. I mean, we still love our parents, our siblings, our relatives, our friends, rest of the world, right? It's a part of our humanity. But most importantly, we must love Allah, our Creator. And prove that we do love Him. Action speaks louder than words, and talking is easier than doing.

Reminding myself, the one who constantly forgets. And others who read this as well.

If you think I'm not good enough to give advice, then so be it. I'm not good enough. I'm not a perfect Muslimah, and I'm trying to be a better person. 

And well, back to the story. Just because someone is gone from our life, it doesn't mean that our life is a ruin. Rather than reminiscing the ones that have left, appreciate the ones that are still there.

I'm sorry if I have offended others with this post. Love is such a controversial issue.

But I think I'm still hardly making any sense.

walk away

This is another post about a teenager who has nothing to do on the Internet and decides to read her books once she's done with typing this.

Been to beloved school, packed up my sister's stuff and left. Hey, it sounds so simple when the actual work is like ... oh, I don't want to describe it actually. In reality, we ( as in me, mum, little siblings ) were there for 3 hours straight packing up the busload--okay, exaggerating--of my sister's stuff, a year's worth.
- Note to self: always be organized & eveready. Esp during end-of-year.

after that, we went to Mesra Mall. Like usual. I met a lot of familiar faces from high school, primary school--even met my neighbour there, haha. It's probably--no, more like obviously--a prime spot for those residing in the Kemaman & Dungun area. Coolest hangout available, maybe. There's not much shopping complexes in Terengganu, let alone them providing cinemas & bowling. Where else to go? Unless if you're a kid who prefers hanging out in back-alleys, then to Mesra Mall you'll go for a trendier hangout. Well, compared to the great many complexes in KL, it's like putting white roe next to caviar. In my opinion that is. If you Google white roe and caviar, you'll see the significant comparison. I'm not gonna get in the whole saga of explaining it.

Or maybe I am. Don't read this if you're insisting on interrogating Mr. Google.
Okay. So from my understanding, white roe is ........ the seminal fluid of fish. Don't know what seminal fluid is? (Yeah right.) Well look up a Form 3 textbook. You'll know soon enough. White roe is also known simply as milt. While caviar, is the roe of certain wild sturgeon species, considered a luxury delicacy to all corners of the world. Unless you happen to have great piles of money in your wallet, your pocket plus a flourishing bank account. Back to the main story. So if you're comparing seminal fluid to expensive fish roe .. well ....you get the idea.
Despite so, that doesn't mean white roe is plain crap. No, no... it's considered a delicacy in Japan. It's probably good-tasting enough to become a delicacy --not that I've ever tasted it, anyway. When it comes to fish, I only eat its flesh, and nothing more.
So, as I've said before, white roe isn't plain crap and is considered good enough to become a delicacy. Just like MM. When you put it side to side with all the great malls designated as teen hangouts in KL, yes it'll lose. But for people around certain areas, MM is trendy enough. So there.

I think I'm just speaking plain nonsense. There's a 60% possibility that you can't make head or tail of that explanation above....no offence if you don't understand. Even my head's getting dizzy here.
This is getting awkward.
....let's just say I got meself two copies of the Reader's Digest for RM15. Great bargain for a bookie like me. I've got my eye on a few titles ( not purchased. YET ) .. mostly non-fiction. I try to not litter my head in too much fiction and get my mind from the castle in the clouds to the dirty ground of the real world. If you're delving a little too much in fantasia, it's either you haven't reached full-fledged maturity, or you're a crackpot who's dosed a lot of crack and is currently smoking pot. Or, you've been reading too much fiction. Like yours truly ;p


But hey, we could all do with imagination. As long we don't lose sense of what's happening in reality.
Like ol' Dumbledore has wisely said,
 “It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.”


And oh, if you're wondering, yes I'm a Pottergeek. I should add that to my description straightaway. ;)